Empowered Women Blog

Has anyone ever spoken to you in an inappropriate manner? Often people are caught off guard and are not prepared to handle these challenging situations. But, as a leader, whenever you are in a situation that’s uncomfortable, it’s imperative that you speak up; the person needs to know that the behavior is inappropriate and that you will not tolerate it. Being a leader means that you expect the best of those around you and you hold them to the higher standard.

When you say nothing, the impact is great - to both you and to everyone else in your company. Saying nothing sends the message that the behavior is acceptable and the person is more likely to repeat it. Others may interpret this to mean that it’s okay to act in that way. Saying nothing can also leave you feeling victimized.

Learning to assert yourself in a way that gets your point across with grace and style is part of becoming a strong leader; it takes some tools, a little practice and a lot of courage. Becoming assertive will build your leadership muscles and foster self-respect as well as decrease your level of stress.

What Are Personal Boundaries?

Personal boundaries are the limits you set for how others may act or speak in your presence. They are lines you draw that define yourself. They are not walls to shut people out, but rather limits that keep the unwanted behaviors of others from entering your space. Boundaries are essential for personal health. They act as filters, permitting what’s acceptable into your life and keeping other elements out. Your boundaries are about what others may do to you or in your presence.

Whatever offenders do, you must remember that it’s not personal; it’s not about you even though it feels personal. Another person’s behavior is always about him or her and what thoughts s/he harbors in his mind. For example, if someone raises her voice, swears or speaks down to you, she may want power; she may need to be heard; she may want attention; whatever the reason, it’s about her.

Identify Your Boundaries

First you’ll need to identify your boundaries. Ask yourself how you want to be spoken to and how you want to be treated. What behaviors are acceptable? What behaviors are marginally acceptable?

Consider how parents do this with their children in order to socialize them and to help them grow. Yet, rarely do people leave childhood feeling they know exactly how to get their needs met and how to stop people from hurting them. Our parents do the best they can; as adults, we must pick up where they left off. We are responsible for how we experience life and for how we allow others to treat us.

Take notice of your feelings. Your feelings are your inner messengers, your inner guidance system. When a boundary is crossed, there is a definite physiological response. If someone’s comments or actions make you uncomfortable, notice how you react. Notice what part of your body reacts and acknowledge the feeling. Note what the person is doing or saying that is giving you this reaction and empower yourself by responding appropriately.

Express Your Boundaries

Once you are clear about your boundaries, you must educate people as to how to act in your presence. If you never tell anyone how to treat you, they will treat you in whatever way they choose. When you say nothing, you give your power away. It’s one thing to confide in a co-worker, I don’t like the way he spoke to me, and quite another to tell the person directly, Please don’t speak to me in that tone. When you assert your boundaries, you are telling others how you expect to be treated and you are respecting yourself.

You may become angry, frustrated or sad when a boundary is crossed. Don’t suppress your feelings; when you suppress your emotions, you only hurt yourself by increasing your stress and expending energy on keeping the feelings pent-up, which eventually can cause physical harm to your body. You also don’t want to react inappropriately to your emotions either.

As a leader, you need to learn to identify the source of the emotion, which is the other person’s actions and your permitting it in your space, and learn how to respond appropriately to get the results you want.

Enforce Your Boundaries

There are several ways to assert yourself and enforce your boundaries. Here are some tools for you to use:
Inform by pointing out the behavior you find unacceptable. Did you realize you were speaking very loudly?

Make a request. Please do not raise your voice to me.
Give instructions. I need for you to lower your voice.
Warn the person. You may not speak to me in that tone.
Make a demand. Stop it! I demand you stop yelling at me right now!
Leave. What you are doing is unacceptable to me. I am willing to work it out with you when you are able to be reasonable. I must leave now to protect myself.

Being a leader means demanding excellence of others asking for and expecting others to do and to be their best. When they miss the mark, you need to bring it to their attention. When you assert yourself and point out inappropriate behavior, you demonstrate leadership, exhibit self-respect and become a role model for others.

Julie Fuimano, MBA, BSN, RN is a Personal & Career Coach and Author of 101 Tips For Developing The Leader In You! . Her passion is coaching her clients to stop struggling and start enjoying themselves! For your free coaching consultation, visit Julie at http://www.nurturingyoursuccess.com, write to her at Julie@nurturingyoursuccess.com or call her directly at (484) 530-5024.

Ever wanted to get “insider” access to exclusive Hollywood makeup secrets and advice? I just came across an amazing new website about Women’s Makeup. If you’re a woman who’s looking for great information about how to become more beautiful… from the
inside out, then listen up:

Makeup artist Allison Saunders has compiled a brand new course which reveals the little-known insider makeup secrets using professional models and cameramen to produce a simple step-by-step audio & video training guide.

Learn how YOU can become more attractive with these proven tips and strategies.

Discover advice for:

• Eyes
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• Everyday Practical Makeup Tips
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A step-by-step guide for any woman who wants to look like a professional model without spending hours in front of the mirror. This breakthrough system will have you looking and feeling stunning, sexy and glamorous and will literally make you feel 10 years younger almost instantly!

Discover everything the busy woman needs to looking good and feeling great every single day using these insider Hollywood beauty secrets.

Get the Hollywood Makeup Secrets Audio and Video Course here

I’ve just added a new page featuring Workshops For Empowering Women. These workshops are offered by Alison Armstrong of PAX Programs and have been recommended to me by a number of writers on women’s issues, so I’m happy to recommend them to you here.

Celebrating Women: Regarding Ecstasy & Power - Learn to how to nurture your inner Queen and you will be treated like one.

Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women: A Two-Day Workshop for Women - The workshop for women who want to know about men. The Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women workshop will help you understand why men do what they do.

Understand Men 101: Making Sense Of Men - In only three hours, you could unlock the door to an entirely new way of relating to men. Making Sense Of Men is for women who want to understand men better.

Celebrating Men & Sex: Change the Way You Relate To Men - Identify your sexual needs. Everything from what you need in a relationship for sex to be part of it, to what you need to be willing to participate in different sexual acts, from kissing to intercourse, and more.

Celebrating Men & Marriage: Free yourself from the fantasies and superstitions about marriage - Free yourself from the fantasies and superstitions about marriage, and see yourself and men in an entirely new way.

Check out the workshops here to understand yourself and the men in your life better.

One of my clients, whose boyfriend recently broke up with her, asked me the following question…”I think I still love him, but is this love or just emotional dependency?

When it feels as if you can’t live without the other person, it is emotional dependency. The part of you that is “in love” is really a child or adolescent who is needy for love because you are not giving love to yourself or to others. There is an emptiness inside that you expect someone else to fill, because you are not taking responsibility for your own feelings of self-worth. You are attaching your worth to another’s love, which is why you can’t live without that person.

When you fall in love as a loving adult instead of as a wounded, needy child or adolescent, your need for the relationship is totally different. As a loving adult, you have learned how to fill yourself with love and define your own worth. Instead of needing someone to fill you and make you feel lovable and worthy, you already feel worthy and full of love.

You experience this inner fullness because you have learned how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs, and you have learned to fill yourself with love. This fullness overflows and you want to share this love with another person, another loving adult who is also filled with love. Your desire is to share love rather than to get love.

The kind of person you will pick will be totally different when a loving adult is choosing than when your wounded self is choosing. The people we pick have a similar level of woundedness and a similar level of emotional health.

Obviously, the more you have done your inner work to connect with Divine Love and bring that love within to take loving care of yourself, the more you will be attracted to someone also does this.

When you pick from your wounded self (emotional dependency), you will pick someone whom you believe wants the job of filling you up. The problem is that the other person may be attempting to fill you up in the hopes that you will also fill him up.

Two people who each want to get love rather than share love will eventually find themselves very disappointed with each other. They will each blame the other for not loving them in the way they want to be loved.

When relationships break up, it is often because one or both partners are not taking responsibility for their own feelings and self-worth and are blaming the other for their resulting unhappiness.

If you are so attached to someone that you feel you can’t live without that person, try learning to give to yourself and others what it is you want from this person. Your job is to become the person to yourself that you want the other person to be. Then you will be able to be “in love” rather than “in need.”

You will be able to love another person for who he is rather than for what this person can do for you. Instead of needing to get love, you can give love from the heart for the joy of it and feel filled in the giving.

Copyright Margaret Paul, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

About the Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a free Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com.

Lovemaking isn’t just for slender women. But large women who have body image issues often have problems in relationships because they think that men want a woman with a perfect body.

Although a man isn’t going to pass up the chance to look at such a woman, the perfect body is not at the top of a man’s want list. You don’t have to have that perfect body if you want to enjoy great lovemaking with your man.

Here’s what men really want from their women:

–Passion. Men love passionate women. A lusty interest in intimacy will wow a man every time. A blasé attitude isn’t sexy. Powerful positive emotions of love and desire are. These emotions are far more important that the packaging in which the emotions come. Men want to be desired and loved. Letting them know that you’re passionate about them will turn them on every time and pave the way for great lovemaking.

–Enthusiasm. Men want women to be enthusiastic. Enthusiasm is upbeat energy, and upbeat energy is electric. Bring enthusiasm into the bedroom and watch the sparks fly. Enthusiasm improve your lovemaking almost instantly

–Caring. Men need their women to be caring. A man’s ego really can’t handle much criticism. Criticism, in fact, is a great way to kill ardor.

A woman who is working hard to be perfect herself tends to exact the same standards from her lover. That kind of pressure is a definite turn-off. Nurture your partner with the kind of caring you’d like to receive yourself and you’ll be amazed at the kind of gentle response you’ll get in return during lovemaking.

–Kindness. Men want kindness and patience. When women go on rigid diets, they tend to get a little, ah, witchy. Men don’t like this.

Men want women to cut them some slack and treat them with the same respect that we often save for our best friends. A man who is respected and treated kindly will usually be a happy, virile man who is wonderful at lovemaking.

–Playfulness. Man want women to be playful and have a sense of erotic adventure. Who wants a woman who’s all serious and hung up on getting things just right? Intimacy shouldn’t be about looking good. It’s about having fun. A woman who is willing to experiment and get silly in bed will enjoy incredible lovemaking.

Women think that men don’t want intimacy. This isn’t true. Men want it as much as women do. They just don’t like to talk about it. If you want to be close to your man, stop focusing on creating the perfect body and create the perfect atmosphere for lovemaking. he great thing about giving your man what he wants is that it will get you what you want closeness and romance and awesome lovemaking.

Wouldn’t you rather be making love than counting calories or running on a treadmill? If you’re a large women who wants to be beautiful and sexy AND have great sex without having to diet and exercise, A Big Beautiful Woman’s Guide To Great Sex-The Caramel Sutra is the e-book for you.

Do you believe that you need a partner to be happy? My client, Adrienne, an attractive woman in her 50’s, has been married and divorced twice. She was unhappy in both marriages, but she still believes that she needs a partner to be happy. This belief continually leads her into inappropriate relationships with men who initially come on strong, only to turn out to be emotionally needy, just like her.

The problem is we attract people at our common level of woundedness and our common level of health. Because Adrienne had never learned to take loving care of herself, she generally met men who were not taking care of themselves. When she finally did meet a man who was taking personal emotional responsibility, the relationship was short-lived. He soon lost interest in a woman who wanted him to make her happy.

As Adrienne and I worked together, it became apparent that she had spent her whole life taking emotionally responsibility for others  her parents, her children, and her partners. In her belief system, she was supposed to make others happy and they were supposed to make her happy. But it never seemed to work out that way  she never felt happy.

Adrienne also believed that taking care of herself was selfish rather than self-responsible. She feared that if she did what she wanted to do, instead of what everyone else wanted her to do, the people around her would be mad at her.

As we worked together, it became apparent to Adrienne that her unhappiness was not because she didn’t have a partner but because she was not taking responsibility for herself. She was not speaking up for herself at work or with the men she dated, instead allowing people to walk all over her.

She realized that in constantly trying to have control over people not getting angry with her, she was abandoning herself. It was her self-abandonment that was causing her so much pain and feelings of aloneness.

As Adrienne began to take better care of herself, she started to feel better. But she still felt that there was a hole in her life. She wanted a partner for companionship to have dinner with, to go to a movie with, to travel with and play with.

Adrienne, I said to her, I understand that you would love to have a partner to do things with. But why can’t you do these things with friends? I’m not saying to stop being open to finding a partner, but meanwhile, why not do these things with friends?

I don’t have friends, she replied. I have been so busy trying to find a partner that I haven’t taken any time to develop friendships. When I don’t have a date, I tend to isolate.

How do you feel when you isolate?

I feel sad and lonely. That’s why I think I need a partner to be happy. It just hasn’t occurred to me that I could be doing fun things with friends.

So, this is a major way that you have not been taking care of yourself. You have been allowing yourself to feel sad and lonely rather than taking care of yourself by developing friendships. Would you be willing to put yourself in places where you might meet people and to reach out for friendship?

Adrienne agreed that she would do this. The next week in our phone session, she sounded much better. She had met an interesting woman at her daughter’s soccer game and they had plans to meet for lunch.

As Adrienne devoted herself to developing close friendships, she stopped feeling sad and lonely. As a happier woman, she started meeting happier men. The last time I spoke with her, she was dating a man she really liked. And she was keeping up her friendships, determined to not make this man responsible for her happiness.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and Healing Your Aloneness. She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

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Body image is a HUGE (excuse the pun) problem with women in the U.S. A recent Glamour Magazine survey found that 75% of women ages 18-35 believe they are fat. Even though only 60 percent actually are overweight, they have a skewed body image. The vast majority of women don’t see themselves as slender and attractive.

According to the 2000 census, the female population of the United States is over 140 million. This means over 84 million women in our country are overweight. Nearly 40 million women are medically obese. If thin women feel lousy about themselves, you know how large women feel. They have even more serious body image issues.

Researchers at Penn State who surveyed women about their sexual satisfaction found that the less attractive a woman felt, the less sexual desire and activity she experienced. Since women who are overweight are conditioned by society’s pervasive thin is beautiful message, the combination of these statistics suggest that, at the very least, 40 million women, and quite possibly, 84 million women aren’t having the kind of love life they want to have, and it’s because of their poor body image.

In Overcoming Fear of Fat, Laura S. Brown and Esther D. Rothblum suggest that the link in our society’s mindset of fat with being out-of-control and with laziness and ugliness creates in a woman an energy-draining self-hatred. It’s no wonder, then, that in a McCall’s Magazine phone poll, 40 percent of 350 participating women reported they were less interested in sex when they felt overweight.

In her article, Factors in the Sexual Satisfaction of Obese Women in Relationships, published in the January 15, 2002 issue of Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, Wilka Woodward Areton includes this quote offered by an overweight woman: when I go up a few pounds, I can’t enjoy myself in bed. I’m afraid to let my belly out. I feel embarrassed to make any noise, and I’m less relaxed about being touched.

This woman undoubtedly speaks for millions of women when she says that she feels too heavy to be attractive. She goes on to confirm how her poor body image intrudes into intimate moments: I know in my heart I should be thinner. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in thinking about it that I can’t really enjoy Rob touching or even wanting me.

The message that women must be thin in order to be attractive is what drives women to diet. Unfortunately, the dieting, even when successful, isn’t enough to change a woman’s body image enough to enjoy sexual satisfaction.

In a study of 60 obese women who dieted successfully, 47 percent of the participants reported that they were disappointed because their weight loss didn’t satisfy them. They lost weight, and still felt awful about themselves. They still didn’t feel sexy.

If big women (and even so-called normal-sized women) are to enjoy their intimate relationships, they need to address their body image. Learning to accept yourself and enjoy the pleasure in your life is the key to changing the way you think about your body.

When you learn ways to please a lover and take proactive steps to leave old body perceptions behind, you can change your love life. A changed love life is a wonderful way to completely transform a bad body image.

Wouldn’t you rather be making love than counting calories or running on a treadmill? If you’re a large women who wants to be beautiful and sexy AND have great sex without having to diet and exercise, A Big Beautiful Woman’s Guide To Great Sex-The Caramel Sutra is the e-book for you.

We’ve all been taught that money doesn’t buy happiness but this is the real world, and we all know how stressful it can be to worry about money!

If you’re a typical single woman, you work hard to pay bills, buy food, clothes and gas, and keep a roof over your head. You’ve gone through a lot to establish your financial identity. You deserve to be proud of yourself for achieving all of that on your own.

But out in the dating world you’re going to be meeting men who may not make as much money as you do. And I know there are some women that this is not an issue for them. So it’s especially daunting for them, when the dating ritual goes sour.

So below I listed some things to watch out for when dating a man that makes less than you do and some suggestions on how to deal with this situation:

Monitor your attitude

Many women simply refuse to date men who make less money than they do, just as some women won’t date short men, men of another race, or men with different religious beliefs. And while it makes sense to avoid hooking up with a man who’s frequently in the unemployed state, refusing to date someone based on their income really limits your dating options.

If you’re a lawyer and you meet a wonderful man who owns a small coffee shop or you’re a nurse and he’s a delivery driver, are you going to determine if he’s a good man or a man worth you dating based on the size of his paycheck?

Remember, most millionaires were dead broke before they made their fist million!

But with that being said, if you do start dating a man who makes less money than you he may have a few more issues with the situation than you do. And as a wise woman you’ll have to be sensitive to his feelings.

Understand that no matter what you see in the media nor how many men may deny it, the truth is most men have their self-esteem and identity wrapped up in how much they earn. So one of the worst things you can do to a man that your dating or in a relationship with is to emasculate him with respect to money especially out in public.

Making comments like, I wish we could come with you, but we can’t afford it said in front of a group of people will encourage your man to start looking for another woman.

Now maybe in your mind you may not be thinking that he’s less of a man (or anything else negative) because you make more money than he does, but comments like that may make him feel like your putting the slap down’ on his manhood.

Make him feel like he’s the man

Even though your man may make less money than you, you still want to make him feel like he’s the man. Go ahead and let him buy you flowers, take you to dinner, and buy you small, inexpensive gifts. And when he does, thank him as if he just bought you the world. But don’t thank him because he bought you the gift, thank him for showing you, by this gesture, that he was thinking about you.

Avoid out doing his gifts

Avoid giving him elaborate, expensive gifts, even if you can easily afford them. Later, if your dates turn into a long-term relationship, how you spend your money shouldn’t make a difference. But if you give him a big-screen TV or buy him an expensive suit while you’re in the early dating stages, the fact that he can’t do similar things for you may bruise his ego. And you know how we men are about our egos!

Remember I’m talking about a real man here. If your man is a bum and looking to feed off you then that’s a whole different ball game.

Set high goals but be realistic

Remember it’s o.k. to set high standards but make sure your standards are based on a true foundation and not these worldly ideals puffed up by society. These shall soon fade away.

Don’t miss out on an opportunity to date that great guy that works on your car, teaches at your child’s school or waits tables at your favorite restaurant. Heck, at least he has a job.

Be open-minded. There are a lot of really smart, loving, unattached guys who are attractive in non-traditional ways.

2006 Gil Bryan

Gil Bryan is a motivational speaker, teacher, trainer, and author of “Why Does He Do That? The Key to Understanding Why Men Do What They Do In Relationships”. To get a FREE preview of this book visit http://www.GilBryan.com

Do you ever feel like Wonder Woman? I have. As a woman juggling a ton of things I’ve wondered “what the heck happened to my life?”

In fact, there have been times when I wondered if I had much of a “life” at all.

You know what I mean. As a woman you play multiple roles. You’re a daughter, grand daughter, sister, niece, girlfriend, wife, business woman, gal pal, volunteer….and sometimes community leader, politician, or in the ministry. And you’re exhausted!

You want to do it all and do it all well. You don’t want to let anyone down, and yet you’re losing it. Okay, so maybe you don’t need to be checked into to a hospital, but your energy and enthusiasm is slipping, your health is waning, and you wonder if you can keep it all together.

The solution to the problem I’ve often heard is to have “work-life balance.” I understand the intent, but striving for balance hasn’t worked for me. The idea of balance is that I evenly divide up my time and energy for every area of my life, like a see-saw with a whole bunch of sides to it with equal weights.

But, my life isn’t divided up evenly, nor do I think it should be. Right now for example, to grow my business takes a better chunk of my time than, let’s say, making dinner, working out, or taking care of pets.

I say forget “balance.” Strive for sanity instead! Sanity is feeling at the end of everyday feeling internally satisfied that you used your time and energy on what’s most important to you. Here are seven secrets to getting there.

Secret #1 is Know What You Want

Be clear about who and what’s important to you. Then make choices to support your decision. If you don’t know what I want, there will always be someone who will try to determine it for you.

Secret #2 is Say “No” Without Apology

When you’re saying “no” to what you don’t want you’re saying “yes” to what you do want. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re being mean or hurting someone else. It means you’re taking care of yourself and, often, those you most care about. That’s something we should never apologize for!

Secret #3 is Focus on What’s Going Right

Focusing your attention on those things that are working and helping you feel good about yourself gives you the necessary self-esteem and staying power for dealing with difficult situations and creating sanity.

Secret #4 is Stay Away From Whiners

Life is too short and requires too much of us to be spending lots of time with people or in situations that don’t cheer us on to the best we can be and go for our dreams.

Secret #5 is Get Someone Else to Do It

You really don’t have to do it all! Get someone to do the things in your life that really can be done by someone else.

Secret #6 is Take Care of You and You and You

Take care of all of you - the physical you, the emotional you, the mental you, the social you, and the spiritual you. Taking care of yourself gives you staying power. You’re not only worth it; you are the only you you’ve got.

Secret #7 is Be Serious About Not Being So Serious

Don’t miss the fun along the way. Be playful! Laugh as much as possible and find the humor that’s begging to be discovered. The demands of your fast, full life temporarily melt away.

Mary Foley. All rights reserved.

About the Author: During a successful, demanding, rising through the ranks 10 year career with America Online Mary learned that the only way to thrive in today’s world is to be bold, positive, and courageous - bodacious! Today Mary inspires women everywhere to be bodacious in their lives, careers and businesses. You can be inspired, too! Get a free copy of Mary’s e-book “How to Be Courageously in Charge of Your Life and Lovin’ It!” at http://www.gobodacious.com !

There is no greater feeling in the world than to be genuinely likeable or loved by the people that you love. There isn’t a pill that can comfort or console you when you need a shoulder to cry on, there isn’t a drink you can mix that will give you the compassion you need when you are deeply saddened, nothing beats a genuine friend.

But not everyone is lucky enough to have a friend. If you’re one of the many people who are struggling with loneliness, it’s absolutely CRITICAL you read this article.

Why? Simply because loneliness can quickly lead to depression if you don’t do something about it TODAY.

Have you ever thought about WHY you’re feeling lonely?

Perhaps you gave up all your friends for a relationship with someone you THOUGHT was Mr. or Mrs. Right. And after that relationship ended, you went back to your friends but they’ve since moved on with their lives and gave you the cold shoulder.

Or maybe you’ve moved to another city, state or even country and you’re looking to meet new friends, but can’t seem to find anyone you can really connect with.

Perhaps you got married only to find that you grew apart from your old friends as you became engrossed in your own life, but now you’re looking to re-connect with someone?

Regardless of what your current situation is, good friends are simply not as easy to find as they were when you were younger.

As an adult who leads a busy life, it’s easier than you might think for loneliness to creep up on you.

Between taking care of little ones, working, taking care of household matters and caring for your spouse, it’s difficult to find the time for friends when you’re so exhausted by the end of the day.

We all need someone to be there to listen to our thoughts and interests without judgment. Someone preferably OUTSIDE our immediate family.

So what’s the cure for loneliness?

There are many people out there that could use your friendship. Take a look at these common mistakes people make in friendships so you can focus on finding more friends and people around you to love and have good times with over the course of a lifetime:

1. Are You Listeningor Waiting For Your Turn To Talk?

If people have betrayed you in the past, and you were NOT raised in a home where you were supported, encouraged and taught valuable life lessons, you may be carrying around some very destructive belief systems that could prevent you from being a TRUE friend to someone.

If your parents put their own needs ahead of anyone else’s, there’s a good chance you unknowingly picked up this value also. In a friendship, this may translate to the other person as selfishness on your part.

Friendship, like any other relationship requires SELF SACRIFICE. An example of self sacrifice might be listening to your friend’s daily struggleseven if you have a headache yourself and aren’t interested in what they’re saying at all.

If you expect your friend to be there to listen to YOUR daily struggles, be sure you’re always willing to listen when THEY need a shoulder to cry on.

Have you ever been in a conversation where you can just tell the other person is not only NOT listening to you, but in factjust waiting for their turn to talk? THOSE people were NOT raised to put others’ needs ahead of their own and as a result, there’s a pretty good chance THEY don’t have too many people who’d consider them as a good friend.

Relationships are not ALL about self sacrifice however, it’s important to give a little and take a little�. Some people, however, take self sacrifice to the EXTREME. Many people refer to these as people pleasers which brings me to the next mistake

2. Don’t Let Your Need for Acceptance Dominate Your Friendships

I used to be guilty of this. Since I was not raised in a home where I was supported and encouraged, as an adult, I was desperately seeking the approval of others.

People, who I THOUGHT were my friends used to ask favors of me ALL THE TIME. I of course, willingly went along with their request because I was afraid if I said no, they’d get mad or not want to be my friend anymore.

Let me tell youthis was a BIG MISTAKE.

While there are many genuine, sincere people in this world, there are just as many people who will take advantage of youIF you let them.

So where do you draw the line?

I’m certainly not telling you to avoid anyone who asks you for a favor, but instead filter out those people who are NEVER there for youwhen YOU are ALWAYS there for them.

That’s one of the easiest ways to recognize these people. If saying no without feeling guilty is something you often struggle with, you can use my step-by-step solution in Softhearted Woman Hard World that will help you say no to others so you can have more time to yourself and your loved ones. Want a sneak peek inside Softhearted Woman Hard World? You can download the first chapter here or go here to learn more about the book.

3. Are YOU Responsible For Your Loneliness?

Maybe you’re feeling lonely because you’re not exactly sure how to be a true friend to someone. If people have hurt or rejected you in the past, you may have a fear of being rejected by someone who could potentially be your friend.

So in an effort to avoid that pain, you reject your friend before they reject YOU. You may be familiar with this concept as it relates to dating, but it is also true in friendships.

You may not out-right reject this person; but you might find excuses as to why you don’t want to be friends with them. If you find yourself doing this, STOP and ask yourself WHY am I rejecting this person?

If you don’t give anyone a chance, it’s very possible you could turn someone away who might otherwise become your life-long friend.

So there you have it. These 3 tips will help you avoid making the common mistakes that trap you in this rut, otherwise known as loneliness. Friends can be one of life’s greatest gifts. Don’t let your destructive beliefs from your past get in the way of your friendships. To earn the title of FRIEND, all you need to dois be one.

If You’ve Ever Wanted To Get Rid of Those Painful Feelings and Stop Feeling Alone, Lost and Hopeless, Larry Bilotta’s FREE 7-day email course shows you how to quickly and easily eliminate your negative thoughts, STOP dwelling on your problems and START feeling better about yourself.