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2 April 2007

Naaree.com Readers Learn The Rules Of Dating Without Drama

Paige Parker, author of the ebook, Dating Without Drama will now show the eager readers of Naaree.com the benefits of taking a more rational  and less emotional approach to dating. Ms. Parker will contribute a weekly Dating Dish column for Naaree.com, India’s online magazine for empowered women.

For ten years, Ms. Parker has enjoyed a thriving career as a freelance writer, and found her true calling in advising friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances on how to meet and attract men, communicate effectively with their boyfriends, navigate long-distance relationships, and survive break-ups.

Since launching http://www.DatingWithoutDrama.com in May 2006, Ms. Parker has attracted a loyal fan base of readers around the globe and sold thousands of copies of her ebook, Dating Without Drama: The Essential New Rules to Help You Understand Men and Succeed at the Dating Game. She has now made dating coaching and relationship writing a full-time career.

When you date without drama, you’re allowed to feel and honor all of your emotions just as you normally would; you’ll just learn not to let yourself or your actions be controlled by them, notes Ms. Parker. You’ll begin to make decisions and take action from a place of confidence, not weakness or desperation. The feelings of neediness will disappear. You will get out of your own way and allow yourself to have a successful relationship.

One of the things I really appreciate about Dating Without Drama’ is that it encourages a woman to be independent, do her own thing, feel happy, and maintain her integrity and self-respect. A good man is just part of the mix in a fulfilling life, notes a reader, from Seattle, WA. Another reader testifies that the advice offered is Very empowering. Very practical and way more realistic than The Rules’.

Ms. Parker’s column is a valuable addition to the information we provide at Naaree.com, and strongly connects with our own efforts to empower women have successful relationships, by becoming independent, and living their lives with dignity, states Priya Florence Shah, editor of Naaree.com.

The latest Dating Dish column is now available at http://www.naaree.com

15 December 2006

Single Mom: Independent Woman or B….?

We’re all familiar with the label; if you’re an assertive, confident, intelligent and independent woman, you are often called a b….

Whether you have a high profile career or are a stay-at-home mom, the term still gets attached to women who posses these qualities no matter how nice we are. Men who posses the same qualities don’t seem to have any negative connotations applied to them, but instead are respected and admired - even when they act like ruthless jerks!

In the work place and in relationships, if women show too much femininity we can be seen as weak, but if we are strong and confident we are labeled controlling bitches. I feel we should be allowed to express our femininity while also showing confidence in ourselves and our capabilities without being assaulted by labels.

As single women and moms we all manage to run our lives independent of a man. Add confidence, career success, and a positive, outgoing personality and that becomes a threat to anyone who is the least bit insecure about themselves men and women alike.

Confidence is intimidating to those who don’t have it, and they feel they can attain it by taking you down. If someone feels they can’t compare, (and being insecure, they do compare) they will try to knock you down to feel better about themselves. This is a key reason why we end up being labeled a b….

Being confident further empowers our independence as women and enables us to be successful in many areas of our lives. For many, the higher we rise, the further these people would like to see us fall.

Somehow, being called a bitch undermines our success and shakes us up because we CARE! We don’t want to be cast negatively, but instead be recognized and appreciated for all of our qualities and capabilities. Sometimes we feel we need to do damage control when we’ve been labeled a b…, so we become overly sweet to try to reverse it. If you’re someone who can relate to this, then you also know this never works.

How does all this play out in a relationship? Being a confident and independent woman myself, I can tell you what I’ve learned. I’ve known, dated, and been in relationships with men who say they are very attracted to a woman who is comfortable in her own skin, and I believe they are.

But when these men are in a relationship with that kind of woman and aren’t strong and confident enough themselves, they start trying to knock us down because they’re intimidated by us. They start to feel inadequate and then blame us for making them feel that way, and the relationship fails. This happens no matter how affirming you are of him if he knows he’s not measuring up to his own standards regardless of what you think and say otherwise, you are the scapegoat for all that is wrong in the world!

This independent woman/b…. conundrum is not specific to the workplace or relationships, it’s everywhere; so what can we do about it? Can we change it, or somehow learn to live with it? Can we beat the system by being feminine and strong, capable and confident, independent and successful? If we possess confidence and are independent, should we embrace it or try to conceal it?

Mindy Erickson is a blog owner and single mom of 4 children dedicated to the support of single mothers. Single mom’s have unique issues that Mindy addresses.

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9 December 2006

Surrender to the Realities of What Men Are

Beauty and a sexy femininity tend to give a woman confidence, more power, and greater control in finding love and marriage with a Good Man. Isn’t this obvious to you? Don’t you sense how beauty and a sexy femininity are your allies, your friends in seeking the happiness of love and marriage to a Good Man?

By making yourself beautiful, sexy, and feminine for potential Good Men, you are only being submissive or surrendering to the realities of men and women and to what can help you attract those Good Men to you. In fact, rather than making you submissive, surrendering to the realities empowers you. Surrender to the realities of what men are:

* Men are visual and love beauty in a woman.
* Men are sexual and love sexiness in a woman.
* Men are masculine and love femininity in a woman.

The journey of finding and marrying a man begins right here: just surrender to those realities. The whole process of finding and marrying a man and then keeping your marriage alive and happy should be a fun experience. (Why do people think that it is so difficult to find a man, not just any man, but Mr. Right, your Prince Charming, a near-perfect-for-you man, a husband, your Good Man?) Do you want to have an enjoyable and exciting time or a difficult time finding your man? It depends on your attitude. I suggest we go on a fun and exciting even outrageous journey to attract appropriate men and then to choose and to keep your one Good Man for life.

Py Kim Conant, Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man, Hunter House, October 28, 2006. Looking for relationship, dating and sex tips? Visit Py’s website at http://www.AmericanGeishaHouse.com

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24 November 2006

The Sexual Double Standard

We still live in a society that promotes the notion that it is normal for a man to desire many women and yet normal for a woman to desire only one man. Our beliefs about male and female behavior may have been helpful in the past, but today they are doing much more harm than good.

As a society we need to stop perpetuating the myth that females are naturally monogamous because this erroneous belief keeps women from taking responsibility when they do cheat. Unfortunately, when women cheat they typically put the blame on their husbands.

Most of the prevailing beliefs we hold about women were created and taught to control the sexual behavior of females in an effort to ease paternity insecurity in males. When females give birth they know the children they give birth to are biologically theirs. Males on the other hand, prior to DNA testing, had to rely on the faithfulness of their partners; which is the reason a sexual double-standard emerged. However, over time the sexual double-standard gave way to a false belief that females were in fact naturally monogamous. Today, it is no longer necessary to continue teaching this false belief because DNA testing allows males to have the same certainty about paternity as females.

Today, women initiate approximately 70 - 75% of all divorces. Due to our false beliefs, women lack adequate knowledge about their natural sexual impulses; as a result, they are much more likely than men to leave their marriages due to their sexual attractions and affairs. Although women typically pursue separations and divorces under the guise of searching for self the real reason is often another man. It’s not uncommon for women to be happily married prior to their affairs; it’s also not uncommon for men to be divorced by their wives without ever knowing about their wives’ extramarital relationships.

For many years now, women have been knowingly or unknowingly performing a balancing act - trying to attain equal rights, while at the same time, trying to maintain their special rights. Interestingly enough, most women are still not happy. Women continue to feel they get the short end of the stick. Women still do not feel as though they have equal rights, much less special rights, why? Because the sexual double standard still exists in our culture; but ironically, women’s final right to claim is the root from which their oppression stemmed.

However, it is no longer men who oppress women - it is women. Women have not yet decided whether they want to trade their image and all the special treatment that it affords them, for the public sexual freedom which is afforded to males. As a result, one of the biggest problems in relationships today, is due to the fact that women are finding it increasingly more difficult to maintain their image, now that their survival is no longer contingent upon it.

It is only by doing away with the sexual double standard that females will finally achieve the equality they have so long sought after. However, in doing so, they will have to give up one of their special rights - they will no longer be able to blame males for their sexual indiscretions and their lack of self control.

Michelle Langley is the author of Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo: What Women Really Mean When They Say, I’m Not Happy To read an excerpt from Women’s Infidelity visit http://womensinfidelity.com/

14 November 2006

Workshops For Empowering Women

I’ve just added a new page featuring Workshops For Empowering Women. These workshops are offered by Alison Armstrong of PAX Programs and have been recommended to me by a number of writers on women’s issues, so I’m happy to recommend them to you here.

Celebrating Women: Regarding Ecstasy & Power - Learn to how to nurture your inner Queen and you will be treated like one.

Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women: A Two-Day Workshop for Women - The workshop for women who want to know about men. The Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women workshop will help you understand why men do what they do.

Understand Men 101: Making Sense Of Men - In only three hours, you could unlock the door to an entirely new way of relating to men. Making Sense Of Men is for women who want to understand men better.

Celebrating Men & Sex: Change the Way You Relate To Men - Identify your sexual needs. Everything from what you need in a relationship for sex to be part of it, to what you need to be willing to participate in different sexual acts, from kissing to intercourse, and more.

Celebrating Men & Marriage: Free yourself from the fantasies and superstitions about marriage - Free yourself from the fantasies and superstitions about marriage, and see yourself and men in an entirely new way.

Check out the workshops here to understand yourself and the men in your life better.

30 October 2006

Lovemaking: What Men Want

Lovemaking isn’t just for slender women. But large women who have body image issues often have problems in relationships because they think that men want a woman with a perfect body.

Although a man isn’t going to pass up the chance to look at such a woman, the perfect body is not at the top of a man’s want list. You don’t have to have that perfect body if you want to enjoy great lovemaking with your man.

Here’s what men really want from their women:

–Passion. Men love passionate women. A lusty interest in intimacy will wow a man every time. A blasé attitude isn’t sexy. Powerful positive emotions of love and desire are. These emotions are far more important that the packaging in which the emotions come. Men want to be desired and loved. Letting them know that you’re passionate about them will turn them on every time and pave the way for great lovemaking.

–Enthusiasm. Men want women to be enthusiastic. Enthusiasm is upbeat energy, and upbeat energy is electric. Bring enthusiasm into the bedroom and watch the sparks fly. Enthusiasm improve your lovemaking almost instantly

–Caring. Men need their women to be caring. A man’s ego really can’t handle much criticism. Criticism, in fact, is a great way to kill ardor.

A woman who is working hard to be perfect herself tends to exact the same standards from her lover. That kind of pressure is a definite turn-off. Nurture your partner with the kind of caring you’d like to receive yourself and you’ll be amazed at the kind of gentle response you’ll get in return during lovemaking.

–Kindness. Men want kindness and patience. When women go on rigid diets, they tend to get a little, ah, witchy. Men don’t like this.

Men want women to cut them some slack and treat them with the same respect that we often save for our best friends. A man who is respected and treated kindly will usually be a happy, virile man who is wonderful at lovemaking.

–Playfulness. Man want women to be playful and have a sense of erotic adventure. Who wants a woman who’s all serious and hung up on getting things just right? Intimacy shouldn’t be about looking good. It’s about having fun. A woman who is willing to experiment and get silly in bed will enjoy incredible lovemaking.

Women think that men don’t want intimacy. This isn’t true. Men want it as much as women do. They just don’t like to talk about it. If you want to be close to your man, stop focusing on creating the perfect body and create the perfect atmosphere for lovemaking. he great thing about giving your man what he wants is that it will get you what you want closeness and romance and awesome lovemaking.

Wouldn’t you rather be making love than counting calories or running on a treadmill? If you’re a large women who wants to be beautiful and sexy AND have great sex without having to diet and exercise, A Big Beautiful Woman’s Guide To Great Sex-The Caramel Sutra is the e-book for you.

23 October 2006

How To Deal With A Man Your Dating When He Makes Less Money Than You?

We’ve all been taught that money doesn’t buy happiness but this is the real world, and we all know how stressful it can be to worry about money!

If you’re a typical single woman, you work hard to pay bills, buy food, clothes and gas, and keep a roof over your head. You’ve gone through a lot to establish your financial identity. You deserve to be proud of yourself for achieving all of that on your own.

But out in the dating world you’re going to be meeting men who may not make as much money as you do. And I know there are some women that this is not an issue for them. So it’s especially daunting for them, when the dating ritual goes sour.

So below I listed some things to watch out for when dating a man that makes less than you do and some suggestions on how to deal with this situation:

Monitor your attitude

Many women simply refuse to date men who make less money than they do, just as some women won’t date short men, men of another race, or men with different religious beliefs. And while it makes sense to avoid hooking up with a man who’s frequently in the unemployed state, refusing to date someone based on their income really limits your dating options.

If you’re a lawyer and you meet a wonderful man who owns a small coffee shop or you’re a nurse and he’s a delivery driver, are you going to determine if he’s a good man or a man worth you dating based on the size of his paycheck?

Remember, most millionaires were dead broke before they made their fist million!

But with that being said, if you do start dating a man who makes less money than you he may have a few more issues with the situation than you do. And as a wise woman you’ll have to be sensitive to his feelings.

Understand that no matter what you see in the media nor how many men may deny it, the truth is most men have their self-esteem and identity wrapped up in how much they earn. So one of the worst things you can do to a man that your dating or in a relationship with is to emasculate him with respect to money especially out in public.

Making comments like, I wish we could come with you, but we can’t afford it said in front of a group of people will encourage your man to start looking for another woman.

Now maybe in your mind you may not be thinking that he’s less of a man (or anything else negative) because you make more money than he does, but comments like that may make him feel like your putting the slap down’ on his manhood.

Make him feel like he’s the man

Even though your man may make less money than you, you still want to make him feel like he’s the man. Go ahead and let him buy you flowers, take you to dinner, and buy you small, inexpensive gifts. And when he does, thank him as if he just bought you the world. But don’t thank him because he bought you the gift, thank him for showing you, by this gesture, that he was thinking about you.

Avoid out doing his gifts

Avoid giving him elaborate, expensive gifts, even if you can easily afford them. Later, if your dates turn into a long-term relationship, how you spend your money shouldn’t make a difference. But if you give him a big-screen TV or buy him an expensive suit while you’re in the early dating stages, the fact that he can’t do similar things for you may bruise his ego. And you know how we men are about our egos!

Remember I’m talking about a real man here. If your man is a bum and looking to feed off you then that’s a whole different ball game.

Set high goals but be realistic

Remember it’s o.k. to set high standards but make sure your standards are based on a true foundation and not these worldly ideals puffed up by society. These shall soon fade away.

Don’t miss out on an opportunity to date that great guy that works on your car, teaches at your child’s school or waits tables at your favorite restaurant. Heck, at least he has a job.

Be open-minded. There are a lot of really smart, loving, unattached guys who are attractive in non-traditional ways.

2006 Gil Bryan

Gil Bryan is a motivational speaker, teacher, trainer, and author of “Why Does He Do That? The Key to Understanding Why Men Do What They Do In Relationships”. To get a FREE preview of this book visit http://www.GilBryan.com

25 September 2006

About Men: Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me

Ah Men! We love their strength, their build, their way of Being. We love their touch, their voice, the way they check us out. But aren’t there things about them that you wish someone had told you? I have a few.

I wish someone had told me that single does not mean available. By all appearances and indications he may be single: free and clear, not dating, not married. He may talk a good game. But, if his actions toward you are, shall we say, a bit underwhelming, something else has his attention.

You see, we women tend to fall in love with what we hear. And if he, at some point, has mentioned he wants a relationship, we think it means now and it’s with us. Or, if we’ve talked about wanting a relationship and he didn’t object, we see it as the green light. Never mind that he doesn’t show up on time. Never mind that days go by without contact. We hope that things will change in time.

Ladies, regardless of the reason he gives, we should not remain attached to relationships that don’t nourish us. I wish someone had told me this. If he’s truly interested, you don’t have to draw him a map. He’ll find a way to get in your space. He’ll want to impress you. He’ll want to nourish you. Trust, he doesn’t want to leave any opening for another man to gain your attention.

Every man is not the same, you might argue. And I’d have to say you’re right. However, there are some questions that you would be wise to have answered before you overextend yourself. In the old days, dads use to ask, What are your intentions towards my daughter? Well, now that you’re an adult, it’s up to you to ask. Requiring him to state his purpose is not only mature but is the standard of the confident woman.

He may seem hot for you. But if the heat is purely physical and he’s not hot to get to know you or seeks to please you, he’s not available. I certainly wish someone had told me that.

I wish someone had told me do not get involved with a man who is in pain or in transition. His heart is not free to focus on anything else. He may appreciate your kindness. He might even cling to you and welcome you into his life. But don’t get it twisted, he is seeking relief. When he is no longer hurting, he no longer requires the pain reliever.

However, if perchance he does ask you to marry him, DON’T. Wait to see what kind of man he is once he’s no longer hurting. Once he arrives at his destination in life, notice how he regards you. It’s not time to get married; but rather to actually see if there is substance to the relationship.

Marriage doesn’t mean commitment. A man can approach marriage as an arrangement or a partnership. If he sees some benefit he deems important enough, he’ll marry a woman he doesn’t even love. And he will commit to that arrangementat least on paper. But if you don’t have his heart, you don’t have him. He’ll look for emotional fulfillment elsewhere: might be another woman, might be a friendship, might be a job. I wish someone had told me that.

What do people, including his family, say about him? What do your friends or family think of h

10 September 2006

Why Men Don’t Like to Talk about Feelings

It probably isn’t a big shock to say that Men and Women are different in their relationships. These differences are glaringly obvious when it comes to their differences in how they talk about their feelings.

Some differences are purely biological and there is no debate such as the fact that the Corpus Callosum (the part of the brain that connects the two brain hemispheres) is larger in women than men and because of this, women process thinking and feeling simultaneously.

This makes sense when it comes to caring for a child who is crying and needs for an adult not to ignore their feelings. It is just has important for men to have a smaller Corpus Callosum which enables them to separate feelings from thinking.

This enables men to respond fairly well in a crisis when feelings would interfere with the ability to stay cool under pressure. While this is often helpful information for my clients I have found the need to often give Women an example to illustrate this point in modern day terms.

Let’s imagine that I am in a group full of men and women, and I pick out a gentleman named Steve. I say to Steve, “I want to illustrate something to your wife so if you will indulge me with a little experiment, I’ll give you $1000 to slip into this tiny little Speedo bathing suit. In the next room there are 20 women whom I want you to dance around and make a fool of yourself in this little bathing suit.”

Now, once I show Steve the $1,000 I really don’t think I’ll have much trouble getting him to agree. He may even demand more money, but the odds are that I can probably offer him enough money to entice him into becoming a dancing machine. Steve, like most men, doesn’t take himself too seriously when it comes to his body because men, in general, are very comfortable with their bodies.

Now, let’s imagine I turned to Susan (Steve’s wife) and said to her, “Susan, here is a string bikini. I will give you $1000 if you will go next door, put this on and dance around in front of a room full of men.” Susan, like most every woman, would refuse. I could offer $2000, and she would still reply, “Not a chance!”

The odds are no matter how much money I offer, Susan will probably never take me up on my dare. The reason she will not do so is that women, in general, are “BODY MODEST.” Women are very modest about their appearance, how they present themselves, and it would mortify most women to have to present themselves in such a way.

In the same sort of context, men are “FEELINGS MODEST”. For a man to share how he feels, what is going on inside of him, is just as awkward for him as it would be for Susan in the above example to parade around in front of a group of people in a bikini.

Now, this doesn’t mean that men shouldn’t be encouraged to share their feelings or to open up and get in touch with the vulnerable side of themselves that is rarely accessed, it just means that it does not come as naturally. If a woman presses a man to share feelings, it is important that she realize that what she is comfortable with and what is familiar to her is very awkward and disjointed for a man.

I fully believe that a man needs to share and understand his feelings, but if he clams up and doesn’t know how to describe them, the most important thing for a woman to do is not to punish him. It is going to take time for him to trust you to be so vulnerable. If you shame him, he will rarely take a chance and try it again.

Bob Grant, “The Relationship Doctor” is the author of the best-selling book, “The Woman Men Adore…and Never Want to Leave.” His coaching firm has been helping women achieve the relationship of their dreams throughout the United States and World. In addition he has published a Free Report entitled “How to be Irresistibly Sexy to Men”. You may learn more by visiting him at: http://www.relationshipheadquarters.com

8 September 2006

What He Can’t Tell You And Needs To Say

Women complain they can’t get men to talk. When time comes for intimate conversation, guys clam up, offer a few, indecipherable grunts and expect women to magically understand what’s going on. The number one complaint women have in relationships is, I don’t know what he’s thinking. He never tells me what is going on with him. How can I get him to open up?

Women feel shut out, and men feel misunderstood. However, there is something women don’t realize. Men want to talk. Under the right conditions, they’ll talk all night long. Most men desperately need to unburden themselves and let others know what’s going on.

Trained For Silence

Men are silenced by different factors - the roles they are forced to play, lessons they’ve learned from their own families, or hurt from past relationships. They are silenced by prevalent myths of manhood, which often contradict the reality of the lives now.

A common myth is that it is unmanly to talk, to open up and tell all. A man must present an invincible image to the world. As children boys are told - Boys don’t cry. That stuff’s for girls. Implicit in the idea is that expressing feelings represents weakness. It is as if they say, I’m powerful, I need nothing from you.

Putty In Her Hands

If she knows too much about me, I’ll be putty in her hands, said Robert, a thirty year old executive. I never let a woman know what’s really doing inside. Why should I? She’ll only throw it back at you when there’s a fight later.

Robert lives expecting trouble. In fact, he not only looks forward to it, but also does his share to quietly make it happen. It’s the way he releases his pent up feelings.

It’s okay to fight, Robert continued. You get closer later. I mean, if you can survive a good fight, then the two of you have a chance.

For Robert, communication, via fighting, is for the purpose of establishing rank. This is not communication, but sparring. It is domination, masking itself as love.

Real communication is never about winning or losing. The essence of real communication is always about love

Getting Him To Talk

In order to bring out the best in a man, and hear all of what he has to say, there are easy steps which when followed, will help this happen easily.

No Rejection

He’s got to feel he’s not going to be rejected, says Ed Pankau, nationally acclaimed private investigator and best-seller, author of How To Hide Your Assets And Disappear. Men are afraid if they do open up, someone’s going to laugh at them and they’ll be humiliated. Men are much more afraid of rejection than women. People don’t realize that.

Don’t Judge Him

Feeling judged is another form of rejection. Listen to what he is saying, and beyond listening, offer something positive in return, Pankau continues. After he tells you some things you could then say, Well, that’s not so bad. I’ve done worse.’ Let him know you’re on his team, and not sitting there judging him.

Reveal Yourself As Well

There must be mutual disclosure between partners. Everybody has problems, fears and skeletons in the closet, Mr. Pankau continues. Many guys feel, if I reveal this, she’ll leave me. You have to show that this is not the case. Reveal something about yourself that shows you have as much trust in him as he has in you.

Let Go Of Past Grievances

If an individual feels his communication will be distorted, misunderstood, told to others, or thrown back at him at a later date, it is impossible for him to open up. Some people hold onto what has been said at one point in time, and never let it go.

The ability to forgive may be just as simple as realizing that what was true a year ago, may not be true now. True communication requires the ability to remain in the present moment and to let the past be over when it’s done.

Listen To Everything He Wants To Say

Lewis Harrison, Healer and Director of the Academy of Natural Healing, has a different experience regarding communication. As far as I’m concerned, he said, I, personally, tell everybody everything. I can’t hold it back if I want to. My wife is willing to listen to everything. I don’t have to lie to her at all.

Not only is Lewis’s wife willing to hear what he says, but she is willing to take action to give him what he asks for. This is communication taken to the highest level. Her ability to understand is manifested both in words and in deeds. We all want love and we want to give love but are not willing to do what is required to make that happen, and part of that is honesty.

Celebrate Honesty

In order to communicate honestly, you have to accept honesty from others, and many people won’t. Arrmand DiMele, Director and Founder of the DiMele Center for Psychotherapy and the host of the Positive Mind show asked, Is it even possible to have honest relationships?

The assumption is everybody’s going to be honest. The truth is few people are. The main reason that people are not honest is the consequences are too big. You can’t do it if the other person is not going to celebrate honesty.

The ability to accept honesty from others grows as we a realize that true security does not come from the approval of others, but from being true to ourselves.

Be True To Yourself

How can we be true to ourselves if we don’t know who we are? Identity is a complex matter. For some men it consists of clinging to a role, or rigid sense of themselves. This man does not realize that who a person is today, he may not be tomorrow. At different times different parts of himself will emerge, the Warrior, Healer, Lover, Wise Man, Real Guy. We all can and must grow into newer and larger senses of ourselves
Unless a man is allowed to explore different aspects of himself he can easily fall prey to compulsions and misfortunes. His love becomes conditional, given one moment and taken away the next.

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, is a psychologist, author, relationship expert on i.village, and speaker. Her latest book is Living By Zen, (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life) , with a section on relationships upon which this article is based. Some of her other books include, Zen And The Art Of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), What He Can’t Tell You And Needs To Say (Putnam), Why Men Leave (Putnam), Zen Miracles, (Finding Peace In An Insane World) and more. She can be reached at topspeaker@yahoo.com, or her personal website http://www.brendashoshanna.com

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