About Men: Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me
Ah Men! We love their strength, their build, their way of Being. We love their touch, their voice, the way they check us out. But aren’t there things about them that you wish someone had told you? I have a few.
I wish someone had told me that single does not mean available. By all appearances and indications he may be single: free and clear, not dating, not married. He may talk a good game. But, if his actions toward you are, shall we say, a bit underwhelming, something else has his attention.
You see, we women tend to fall in love with what we hear. And if he, at some point, has mentioned he wants a relationship, we think it means now and it’s with us. Or, if we’ve talked about wanting a relationship and he didn’t object, we see it as the green light. Never mind that he doesn’t show up on time. Never mind that days go by without contact. We hope that things will change in time.
Ladies, regardless of the reason he gives, we should not remain attached to relationships that don’t nourish us. I wish someone had told me this. If he’s truly interested, you don’t have to draw him a map. He’ll find a way to get in your space. He’ll want to impress you. He’ll want to nourish you. Trust, he doesn’t want to leave any opening for another man to gain your attention.
Every man is not the same, you might argue. And I’d have to say you’re right. However, there are some questions that you would be wise to have answered before you overextend yourself. In the old days, dads use to ask, What are your intentions towards my daughter? Well, now that you’re an adult, it’s up to you to ask. Requiring him to state his purpose is not only mature but is the standard of the confident woman.
He may seem hot for you. But if the heat is purely physical and he’s not hot to get to know you or seeks to please you, he’s not available. I certainly wish someone had told me that.
I wish someone had told me do not get involved with a man who is in pain or in transition. His heart is not free to focus on anything else. He may appreciate your kindness. He might even cling to you and welcome you into his life. But don’t get it twisted, he is seeking relief. When he is no longer hurting, he no longer requires the pain reliever.
However, if perchance he does ask you to marry him, DON’T. Wait to see what kind of man he is once he’s no longer hurting. Once he arrives at his destination in life, notice how he regards you. It’s not time to get married; but rather to actually see if there is substance to the relationship.
Marriage doesn’t mean commitment. A man can approach marriage as an arrangement or a partnership. If he sees some benefit he deems important enough, he’ll marry a woman he doesn’t even love. And he will commit to that arrangementat least on paper. But if you don’t have his heart, you don’t have him. He’ll look for emotional fulfillment elsewhere: might be another woman, might be a friendship, might be a job. I wish someone had told me that.
What do people, including his family, say about him? What do your friends or family think of h
